


you have fallen from the sky (how high?)

by mildlyobsessive



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is STUPID, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension, this is shit though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 01:39:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5609014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mildlyobsessive/pseuds/mildlyobsessive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Josh looks at Tyler like he's the sun.  Wait, no, fuck that.  Josh looks at Tyler like Tyler's the entire fucking universe; every single brilliant star and stunning constellation, all of the far-off planets and comets flying faster than anyone could possibly imagine.  Tyler is stardust, a supernova obliterating everything in its path in a way that's somehow simultaneously destructive and gorgeous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you have fallen from the sky (how high?)

**Author's Note:**

> It's really weird, cause I don't really ship Joshler irl, but I love writing/reading the fics. Huh.
> 
> Anyway, mild trigger on teeny tiny suicidal thoughts.
> 
> Title from Ruby by Twenty One Pilots

Sometimes, Josh looks at Tyler like he's the sun. Wait, no, fuck that. Josh looks at Tyler like Tyler is the entire fucking universe; every single brilliant star and stunning constellation, all of the far-off planets and comets flying faster than anyone could possibly imagine. Tyler is stardust, a supernova obliterating everything in its path in a way that's somehow simultaneously destructive and gorgeous. 

…

Sometimes, Josh thinks about Tyler in ways he shouldn't. Fuck, he _knows_ he shouldn't. Because Tyler has Jenna, Tyler _loves_ Jenna. Much more than he'll ever love Josh. And Josh knows that isn't fair, that platonic love and romantic love are two very different things, neither more important than the other, but _still_. Different.

Different as in Tyler wants to commit to Jenna, wants to spend the rest of his life with her. With _her_ and not with Josh. And that shouldn't bother him, but sometimes it does. And, maybe, just maybe these 'sometimes'' are bit more often than Josh lets on, but he can't help it. He just gets a little too caught up in Tyler's eyes, eyes that shine like stars, which, to Josh, is simply more proof that Tyler has _galaxies_ inside of him.

…

Sometimes, Josh will look at Tyler and think that the whole 'all men are created equal' thing might be bullshit. He doesn't mean it in asshole-ish way, even though he can't help but feel like a dick every time it crosses his mind. It's just that Josh firmly believes that there are two types of people in this world; the ones that watch and the ones worth watching. The people that will make history and the people that'll watch it unfold on TV screens.

And Tyler, fucking _Tyler_ , the boy that pulled Josh in like a black hole without even trying to, is so obviously in that second group.

Josh never used to think that his little theory was unfair, because that's just how life is. This is a play, and we all have our roles. Not everyone can get a Cinderella story, after all. But Josh had always assumed that _he_ would.

But Josh isn't Cinderella. _Fuck_ , he's not even an evil stepsister. No, Josh is starting to feel more like an irrelevant girl at the ball, one that the prince barely glances at. 

God, he's doing nothing but spewing ridiculous, self-pitying analogies like an entitled brat. And, you know? Maybe he just doesn't care anymore.

…

One time, Josh actually acts on his feelings. Fuck, that's a mistake.

It's the middle of the night in Australia, and Tyler and Josh's sleeping schedule is so unbelievably fucked from the time change that they're just lying on a strip of beach outside their hotel, staring at the sky. 

A sky that's not much more than a sheet of black, if Josh is being completely honest. The light pollution that simply radiates off of Sydney has wiped the heavens free of stars as if a teacher was erasing a chalkboard. And Josh can't help but think that Tyler, who can't be lying more than two feet away from him, shines so much brighter than the sky ever could, even without being robbed of its stars.

The thought runs through his mind, and before he can stop himself he blurts out "I think I love you."

Tyler lets out a small laugh, hands casually folded underneath his head as he stares at the empty sky. "I love you too, Josh. Of course I do. You're my best friend."

And, God, Josh should just leave it at that, should stop poking the bear and escape while he still can. He knows what he _should_ do, but sometimes Josh doesn't feel like being rational. Sometimes he likes to do what he _wants_ to do, as opposed to what he _should_.

And that's why he takes a deep breath and says it. "No. N-not like that. I think I might be," Josh twirls his thumbs anxiously "like, _in_ love with you."

Tyler freezes, and in the silence Josh can hear the waves crashing along the length of the beach, can even make out the distant car honks and sirens of downtown Sydney. "Oh."

"Just 'oh?'" Josh chokes out.

Tyler pushes himself up with one thin arm. The moonlight catches the simple tattoos scattered along his limb, and Josh, for just a second, revels in how beautiful he is, before realizing that this is really not the opportune time.

Tyler is quiet for a long while, just sitting there and staring at Josh, who is still just lying in the sand. Finally, _finally_ he says something. "Josh?"

"Yeah?" His voice cracks.

"You know that you're my absolute best friend in the entire world, right?"

"Yeah, Tyler." He knows where this is going. To be fair, he knew before he even uttered the words.

"But you do know that I love Jenna?"

Josh squeezes his eyes shut. "Yeah, Ty, I know. I'm sorry."

"No, no- you really don't have to be, okay? You've been like a brother to me, Josh. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you." Tyler laughs half-heartedly. "God, that sounds so cheesy, but it's true. I do love you, Josh, really- just…not like that, okay? I'm sorry, but not like that."

And Josh knows that he shouldn't feel so much like shit, Because Tyler's so fucking understanding, so caring, so _nice_. In fact, it's got to be the nicest way Josh has ever been rejected. And he really should be greatful, because he just confessed that he has a fucking crush on his _married_ best friend.

But Josh still feels like the shittiest of shits, because, never mind whatever desperate shred of hope he'd been holding on to, now it's official. The boy with stars for eyes and nebulas running through his veins doesn't want him. Of course he doesn't. The universe would never want a speck of dust.

Tyler gets onto his feet before awkwardly offering Josh a hand, which he accepts. Josh grabs onto his hand and let Tyler pull him from the sand, feeling the warmth of his palm, the faint pulse in his wrist. _Galaxies_ Josh thinks, almost wishing Tyler could hear him, just so he would know how extraordinary he is. _You have entire galaxies inside you_.

However, Tyler drops Josh's hand the second he gets to his feet, lets go so fast you would have thought Josh had burned him. And Josh knows that he's ruined everything; whatever they'd had together, it would never, _could_ never be the same.

…

Sometimes, Josh will look back on that night and want to die. It's stupid, really; an urge fueled by loneliness and humiliation. Sure, maybe he thinks about it a bit too much to be healthy, but that's all it is; thinking.

The closest he ever got was that night in Australia, long after Tyler had slunk off to bed. Josh had sat on the edge of the roof of their hotel, knowing that he should go to sleep as well. They had a show tomorrow, and he doubted anyone would benefit from him falling asleep at his drums.

But, to be quite honest, he didn't give a shit. All Josh could do was sit with his legs precariously dangling ten stories above the ground and try desperately to make out a single pinprick star in the light smothered sky.

And when he couldn't find one, he thought that maybe, if he jumped, he'd go up to meet the stars himself, the constellations that reminded him so much of Tyler. Hey, if he couldn't have him, he'd just have to find the next best thing.

But then Josh reminded himself that, though he may be many things, a fucking cliche was not one of them. He was not some hipster-y angst filled Tumblr post, and he was _not_ going to kill himself over a _boy_.

So to bed he went, hands still clenched into fists like he was grabbing the edge and hair still ruffled from the wind.

The next day, Josh managed to both avoid eye contact with Tyler and stay awake while drumming.

…

Sometimes, Josh just wants to tell Tyler how spectacular he is. 

It's been over a year since Josh's big confession, and things are still awkward between the two. Josh can tell that Tyler's feeling down, that the gloomy Ohio weather has taken its toll. And Tyler always used to come to Josh to talk about it, but not this time. Not this time.

On one freezing morning when Tyler refuses to get out of bed, Josh throws open the door holding a huge tray full of assorted breakfast food.

Tyler doesn't move.

Sighing, Josh drops the tray on the bed and simply says "Do you even know how beautiful you are?"

That gets Tyler's attention. He looks up, eyes narrowed "Josh," he croaks, his voice more of a warning than anything else.

"Just hear me out." Josh sits down on the bed. "I hate it when you're sad," he says. "It takes the stars out of your eyes."

"What?"

"Your eyes. Most of the time, they're so full of life. They're stars, glowing through the dark. But when you're like this, they're… dull. Like all that life's been stolen from you."

Before Tyler can say anything else, Josh gently grasps his wrist, placing his fingers on it and being rewarded with the timid thumping of a heartbeat. "Do you feel that?" He asks.

Tyler slowly nods. 

"You, Tyler Joseph, are the most amazing person that I have ever met. You have galaxies inside of you, you hear me? _Galaxies_. The lifeblood of the universe keeps your heart beating. You are gorgeous and unique and genius, and you shouldn't be so sad."

Tyler's sitting up now, staring at him with an intensity Josh has never seen before. "Thank you," he whispers.

"I love you," Josh whispers in return.

"I love you too, Josh. But, still, I can't…not like that. Not in that way."

Josh embraces Tyler, feels the universe moving in his arms. Maybe it's close-minded, for a single person to be one's whole universe. But, in this moment, Josh just thinks that it, like Tyler, is beautiful.

"That's okay," Josh mutters. "I'll take what I can get. It's still love, isn't it?"

Tyler holds his best friend and Josh holds his universe.

And Josh figured that the boy with stardust blood was still his, if not in the way he wanted most. But, hey, this was his next best thing.


End file.
